Dick Flicks: The Worst!

Dick flicks.  The worst.  Not because they’re dick flicks, but because they’re just bad.  And not just because they’re bad, but because they’re really, really, really bad.

Okay, perhaps a little more clarification is in order, given that some of the films on this list boast A-list actors, acclaimed directors, even Best Pictures Oscars among their credentials.  Yet the list is pretty darn short, so clearly it takes a lot to attain this dismal ranking.

In a nutshell, we don’t get why these films were made.  We’re not looking at B movies here.  These are mainstream Hollywood films, sometimes with a massive budget, that are generally well-executed:  respectable actors, competent writing, solid production values overall.  But if we (meaning one or more of our reviewers) failed to develop even a drop of personal investment in the story or characters, be it emotional, psychological, or otherwise; if we sat tapping our fingers, desperately hoping the next scene would be the last; if we made it through to the bitter end and were left wondering why, in the name of all that exists in a thousand universes, why would anyone ever have bothered to make this film….

Those are the films on this list.

Out of respect for the hundreds of people behind these films who may have just been having a bad month or trying to keep their water turned on, we’re not naming any names.

You’ve been warned.

  • 2 Fast 2 Furious
  • All Quiet on the Western Front (1979)
  • The Bounty (1984)
  • Cowboys & Indians
  • Goodfellas
  • Home by Christmas (Okay, not a dick flick, but….)
  • No Country for Old Men
  • Not Without My Daughter (Also not a dick flick)
  • Revenge (1990)
  • Rogue Trader
  • The Silver Brumby (Perhaps this list should be relocated)
  • The Thin Red Line
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