2 Fast 2 Furious

in Action, Dick Flicks

  • Stars: Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson
  • Director: John Singleton
  • Writers: Gary Scott Thompson (characters & story), Michael Brandt & Derek Haas (story & screenplay)

I was halfway through a lengthy point-by-point review of what makes this movie so bad before I realized that A) I have enormous respect for the writers (for their other works) and don’t want to hurt their feelings, and B) it’s just not worth that much review.

So here’s the short and sweet version.  A former cop (Paul Walker), arrested for some vague crime committed in the franchise’s original installment.  A former friend (Tyrese Gibson) he has to go undercover with.  A lot of trapped-in-teenage-idiot-brain guys.  A fleet of ridiculously souped-up street racers.  TONS of racing.  And a vague intimation that somehow all this racing will lead to the downfall of a drug kingpin.  Basically, a one-dimensional video game come to life, and not in a good way.  The special effects aren’t even that stellar.

The poster screams dick flick.  Despite muscle cars and sneering hunky males, the eye goes straight to the two women whose roles in the film take up considerably less space in the film than their cleavage does in the poster.  Thumbs up, at least, for thinking up more than one female supporting character.  But both women exist solely to inflame and attract all the sexual attention of every male character and audience member within two hundred miles.  One of them even races in a shiny hot pink street car.  Ugh.

Alas, the shallow and stereotyped portrayal of women is not what lands this movie on the Worst Ever list (see “Gladiator”).  Everything about it is lame:  the thin story, the flat characters, the bad dialogue, the overblown acting, the cheesy CGI, the “high-tech” gadgets.  All of this could be at least slightly forgiven if the numerous car chases turbocharged the adrenal glands.  But no, even the action sequences are lame.

Screenwriting team Michael Brandt and Derek Haas (“3:10 to Yuma”) did achieve one dubious goal with this:  they landed themselves on both the Best Movies Ever and the Worst Dick Flicks lists, a (dis)honor we at DickFlicks hope never to bestow again.

Do yourself a favor.  If you insist on exploring the dishearteningly popular “Fast and Furious” franchise, toss this one under a semi and pick out one of the others.  They can’t possibly be worse than this.

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